Sneaking Into Stormalong Bay

Now that the weather is cooling down, I thought I’d reminisce about one of my recent Disney summer adventures. It was June, and the weather was extraordinarily hot, like over 100-degrees. My friend Hackett and I were reluctant to set foot in the parks during the daytime, because it was nearly unbearable being outside for any length of time.

“Let’s go to a water park!” I suggested

“Nah, I don’t want to pay all that money for a water park when we have a perfectly good pool at our community center,” replied Hackett, a Florida native who has worked at (and been fired from) both WDW and Universal.

“But that pool is boring,” I shot back. “We’re going to a water park, dammit!”

“I’m poor!” yelled Hackett.

“Never underestimate Leonard Kinsey,” I said as I whipped a manila envelope out of my backpack. Hackett gasped, knowing that inside was something awesome.

And he was right.

Inside that envelope was a rainbow of Tyvek wristbands I’d purchased weeks earlier from eBay. $11 shipped for 200 wristbands, 10 of each of 20 different colors.

A Rainbow of Tyvek Wristbands

“We’re going to Stormalong Bay!” I exclaimed.

Hackett cheered.

“You’re driving,” I said. “Because I’m getting blasted at the pool bar.”

We jumped in the car, turned the AC to “High” and drove over to The Beach Club, 1/2 home to Stormalong Bay (along with The Yacht Club). Stormalong Bay, for those who don’t know, is easily the best pool area of any resort at WDW. It has a lazy river, a sandy bottom, multiple jacuzzis, a bar, and an awesome waterslide that goes down the mast of a wrecked ship.

However, Stormalong Bay is SO awesome that they can’t allow pool hopping, unlike the other resort pools, otherwise it would be massively overcrowded. So only guests staying at The Yacht and Beach Club can access the pool. Access is granted by showing your room key, at which point you’re given a colored Tyvek wristband which allows you re-entry all day. The color of the wristband changes daily.

So, we parked for free at The Beach Club by telling the guard that we were there for “The Kitchen Sink” (the huge sundae served at Beaches and Cream), and slowly walked to Stormalong Bay. I told Hackett to be on the lookout for people wearing wristbands. Halfway there, he spotted someone wearing a bright blue one. I dove into my manila envelope, found that color in my pile of wristbands, pulled off two, slapped them on our wrists, and walked the rest of the way to Stormalong Bay. Hackett and I flashed our wrists at the back entrance (near the gym), grabbed towels, and bam, we were in for a day of fun in the sun!

Hackett and Kinsey - Sexy Beasts!

Of course, I then proceeded to get drunk, flirted mercilessly with one of the lifeguards (the one who does the trivia at the top of the slide and then throws water at kids when they fuck up the answer), and got her number. Rico. Suave.

The First of Many Tropical Drinks

We then decided to continue the debauchery with a Monorail Bar Crawl. On the way back to Epcot I started doing gymnastics in the empty Monorail car.

Drunk Kinsey Attempts Acrobatic Feats

For whatever reason I had more drinks in World Showcase on the way back to the car, and, as many of my stories end, I can’t really remember the rest of the evening. But I do know that the day at the pool was awesome, and Hackett assures me I didn’t make an ass out of myself that evening and was quite entertaining.

I do wish he hadn’t drawn a penis on my cheek while I was passed out, though. Fucking Hackett.